One campus bench. A microcosm of interspecies activity. The challenges of resource allocation in these trying times.

This is an anthropological and environmental study of larger socioeconomic dynamics, wherein resource scarcity drives cross-species competitive behaviors that both reinforce and transcend traditional ecological hierarchies. Observations of H. sapiens opportunisticus in competition with S. carolinensis for leftover “bench lunches” raise profound questions about the hidden social life of small, urban spaces and the flow of resources in an academic landscape. We find compelling evidence that the traditional boundaries between human academic spaces and wildlife foraging territories have become increasingly permeable. Likewise, the constructed nature of “ownership” within post-industrial academic environments has become increasingly transient.

Funding statements: This research was partially funded by the Institute of Squirrel-Human Interactions before it was dismantled in the latest federal budget cuts. This statement was written with minimal assistance from hyper optimized large language models.